Of Poisons

Poison. It's always a poison. You hardly ingest a poison intentionally, although many people do, but it mostly sneaks in, or gets sneaked in.
When did you first get poisoned? I don't know. Some of these are slow killers. With small doses over a long time, it's hard to tell when it first got into your system. Even if you could remember when you started feeling that something is going wrong, it won't necessarily be an accurate way to tell. You could have been unwell for long before and were just too busy to notice.

Bottom line, you got poisoned. And suddenly you realize that for a long time you haven't been the person you've known for all your life. The things that used to interest you just don't anymore. New things are catching your attention. Your view of things is changing. You are doing things you've always considered yourself too smart or too good for doing. You realize that, just like everybody else, you too got poisoned.
Why would I call such a process "poison"? True it might seem like just change that happens normally to anyone. It might well enough be change, but a change that turns you to a stranger you don't like is definitely worth calling a poison.

So what was it? What was your poison? What thought crept into your mind? What words did you hear?Something must have triggered all that. There is no such things as auto-antibodies against your mind and soul, but there has always been a poison.

How did this poison work? I'd know if I knew how you perceive the knowledge of things not good for you and keep yourself away from them (and turning knowledge into full perception on which sensible action is based is not always the easiest thing to do). They are not necessarily wrong for everybody else but you know your old self enough to know that these things won't be particularly good in your case. You know that but somewhere in your head doesn't perceive it well enough and continues to push the rest of you towards the-in-your-case destructive targets. That part seems like where self control exists, for despite the fact that all the other parts of your head perceive the fact very well, they still obey the pushing of the stray part driving you while being completely aware of it to destruction. And that part, that pan-controller part, is exactly where the poison has hit.

The good news is that admitting the existence of a disease is the first step towards curing it. But is there such a thing as an antidote in such a case? Unluckily your brain cells don't regenerate, and if the poison has killed them we probably can't get them back for you. Implanting new ones won't do any good either, because then your self control will never be the same as your old self, which doesn't place you anywhere better than where you are now. Hope is that they are not dead yet, they're just inflamed and flaring like mad and can be soothed to calmness and sanity once more.